29th of April 2024

Okay, so I'm still flooded with medical apointments, but I do have some time and relatively much brainspace and motivation today so I'm playing around with the digital altars, for now they'll be pretty bare bones, I think, but hey, we're getting somewhere and that's what matters. Uhh, what else, oh, here's something not all that fun, our bathroom sink broke. So that's been a nightmare of it's own, because while we still have the kitchen sink and one with the toilet neither of those are great because one is filled with dirty dishes and the other is tiny (first world problems, lol). So yeah, let's hope we can get that fixed soon. Eh, we'll see and I'll manage.

24th of April 2024

So I've been thinking about a bunch of stuff lately (including getting into witchcraft again :]) and aside from that I've been busy with medical stuff (still am) so updates won't be getting much quicker anytime soon. But of course I will still update and I'm going to work on a couple new pages so you can look forward to that. Also I'm going to probably re do the anarchy guide so that can go back up but no promises on how quick that'll be. I've had a lot less brainfogg lately so if that's a trend I'll work on this more but we'll see. Also switched primary doctors for the long covid bullshit and they're planning on putting me through a bunch more tests so hey, maybe we'll figure something out. So yeah, that's been my life lately, I hope you're having a good day.

11th of April 2024

So I did update the site to make editing for myself easier, basically I did a bunch of CSS fuckery with iframes, unfortunately it did cost me the different backgrounds for different pages, but I think it's worth it. It makes it a lot easier and neater to edit and add new pages so yeah. Also means I might start writing a bit more for the writing and trances bits of the site but we'll see (I still have to get over writer's block and horrible uncreativity lol, if you want to see any kind of induction please let me know via the guest book). Anyway, that's a small update from me, hope you're doing well <33

10th of April 2024

So hey everybody, I'm back, spent a bit of time focussing on school stuff rather than updating the website but I'll be honest, I can only stare at text analysis and function graphs for so long so here we are. Still don't have anything all that interesting to say, the weather's beeing weird which isn't helping my symptoms (like we had 27°C yesterday and like 12 today) but aside from that nothing interesting. I'm thinking of doing some more writing or something, we'll just have to see how long I can sit down and do that without my brain giving up. So that's that. Hells, maybe I'll put the short stroy that's the reason for the name of the site up but I still need to edit and possibly rewrite that because it's old and bad so that might take a hot second but yeah. I'm also really tempted to overhaul the aesthetic for the site...

24th of March 2024

So, hey, everybody, that was a bit of an absence but you know how it is by now. Anyway, on the last post: I didn't manage to convince them but that's chill of course. What else... well easter is coming up, the spring equinox has passed, I hope everybody is doing okay during the holidays. I'm probably going to get some spoke covers for my wheelchair sometime soon, currently I just have some fairy lights wrapped into the spokes but that looks a bit messy and there are some really pretty spoke covers. Oh, also I'm going to write another little thing like the anarchy page about piracy and how to enjoy media with problematic creators/ media that is only available via fucking stupid streaming services withough supporting them and why that's important so you can look forward to that. I also might add a navigation bar to all pages if I really get into the flow but that's a big maybe. So yeah, I'm just kind of tired at the moment, can't really move from the couch right now because I did things(tm) yesterday and crashed but hey, it'll be okay, I'm sure of it. Hope everyone's doing okay and if you're not I hope it'll get better soon <33

12th of March 2024

Trying to convince my partner to make a neocities, so far it's not been going too well because "html looks scary" which, in all honesty, fair enough. If they end up making one I'll link them, if not it's chill too. They made a rentry though and I'm super proud of them because markdown sucks so hard. Anyway, that's my update :]]

2nd of March 2024

I feel like shit, but hey for once the brainfogg isn't killing me so I might be able to get some writing or something like that done. I've got all these ideas and I need to finally sit down and just write them, I swear. And a lot of them feel like they deserve more than just words on a page, but I suck at visual arts (especially animation), I can barely code and I'm sure as all hells not putting myself through the dysphoria of doing anything in front of a camera right now. So writing it is, not that I mind that much. I mean I might be able to throw something together in twine, but we'll see. Anyway, that's that. Idk, we'll see. Maybe I'll make Vex 2.0 or a different Ghost project I've had floating around in my brain, but that depends on if I can sit down and code for long enough. Aaaaa, you know that thing where you have so many ideas in your head they kind of clog up and you can't get anything good out? It's like my brain is a bottle of glue that was left open so it's clogged up and nothing will come out. Oh well, making a bunch of "bad" stuff in hopes to get that clog out it is I guess.

26th of February 2024

Here I am again. What? On my own site? Shocker I know. Anyway the embroidery project has officially started and fuck this will take a lot of time. But I was prepared of that. Anyway it gives me something to do with my hands, I suppose. Not like I can get off the couch a lot lately. I have the tutoring thing tomorrow but if I feel like I feel today I'll have to cancel. I was barely able to get from my bedroom to the couch. Anyway that's just a small update on yours truely, I'll probably do another bit of fandom rambling either later or tomorrow so yeah. I hope you're doing better than me. <3

24th of February 2024

I just noticed that I started most updates with some apology for not posting as often as I could be, lol. Anyway this is just a small update, I'm currently waiting for my embroidery floss to arrive for that project I'm working on that I mentioned. But I don't really order my craft supplies of Amazon and it's the weekend so it'll take a while to get here. And I know, I know, it's one hell of a first world problem but still. I'm used to having a craft store in my sitty little town but they changed their open times so I have to wait until wednesday either way. I'm really excited though, I have an old labcoat from a costurme that I'm planning to embroider to use as a jacket when it gets a little warmer because I think it's funny. Like making patches and doing embroidery is just so fun and it gives me something to do with my hands which is nice. Besides the concept of a "battle labcoat" is just fucking hilarious to me so that's that.

Uhh, what else, oh yeah, I spend some time tutoring at the moment, it's about an hour a week which is doable and it's a lot less taxing to me than actually sitting in class and I just love how the kid I'm tutoring didn't even once ask about my wheelchair but rather about why I was wearing a mask. So I explained to him that even a common cold can wipe me out for days and his immediate reaction was "oh, should I wear a mask too next time then". If you ever plan on having kids raise them to be like that with disabled people please? I've had enough people ask really invasive and disrespectful questions by people who should know better. To be fair he's the son of a physiotherapist so he's probably at least seen a disabled person before but still. By the way this is also why we need more disability representation in media (including kids media) that isn't just "he's paralysed so he's in a wheelchair but it's fine because he's a genius". If people see disabled people more casually represented when they are young it becomes normal to them rather than "weird" or inspiration porn. Anyway, that's that ramble. Hope you have a good day <3

22nd of February 2024

Life happened once more but hopefully I can update a bit more often again, currently I'm fixing the layout up a bit so you can just scroll the text rather than having to scroll both the page and the main boxes, more in the changelog. I'm also planning a little thing: because basically I'm going to get into embroidery again and I want to make a patch for myself that's a qr code to put on my jacket that will lead to a not yet existing secret page on this site that's basically a "hey, you found me" because I think that's funny so yeah. Also might tweak the aesthetic of the site a little but we'll see. Anyway, yeah, I'm back, expect more rambles soon <3

9th of February 2024

So hey everybody! Been a while, hasn't it? Yeahhhh life happened. But hey, I'm back, I've got some ideas and I have motivation again so wooo! For one I've recently discovered the wonderful world of desktop buddies which has been a really fun thing to play around with since I spend a lot of time on the computer lately (got to get my school stuff somehow lol) and what can I say? I like little digital toys! So here goes the ramble:

Generally there are two types of what I'd call "desktop buddies": There are shimeji and ghosts/ukagakas and I'm planning on making a big list of some of those from both categories that I like at some point. So what's a desktop buddy? Well it's a little character that you turn on and then it chills on your desktop.

So let's start with shimeji: Basically these are little characters that don't talk but they basically free roam at the edges of your screen. You can toss them around, some of them can move non-maximised windows around, some even cling onto your cursor. They are active, fun and do a lot of stuff on their own which makes them perfect for me when I'm doing something like writing an essay or something for school and want some visual interest while I write and think without needing to read anything. They're also super easy to set up (you can basically run most of them on their own just by having Java installed, opening the .zip they come in and executing the program and if you just look up shimeji there's some really good tutorials) and there is a shimeji for basically every character in every larger fandom if you go looking for them (seriously, especially if you're an undertale fan there are a lot even with different AU versions). There are even shimeji apps for android.

And then there are ghosts. Ghosts or ukagakas are a lot more complex than shimeji. They can be basically whatever their creator wants them to be. They have dialogue, a lot of them have story lines with relationship mechanics, they can do simple tasks on your computer like executing programs or resetting the time, some can interact with other active ghotsts, some even have multiple outfits and a lot of them change on certain holidays. There aren't a lot of english ghosts, most are japanese, but there is a great wiki if you want to see what's out there. They also need a program to run on called ssp which is largely in japanese (you can set the menus to english though) but the program itself is really lightweight and there are also really good tutorials on how to set up your ghost. The one I'm currently running the most (even as I'm writing this) is the Handplates AU Gaster by zarla-s on tumblr which has a really nice and simple tutorial on the tumblr post with the download link and great writing, I highly recommend it. Anyway, I do love the concept of ghosts just because they're so interactive. I'm stuck at home for the most part and it's just nice to have a little presence (even if it's just a well written fictional character) while I'm waiting for my friends to finish school/work and be online again. Personally, I can't run ghosts while doing school work (or at least I have to disable automatic dialogue) because I find the text pop ups too distracting.

So yeah, I've been having a lot of fun with these little bastards, maybe you'll be inspired to look into them yourself too. I've been toying around with the idea of making a shimeji of Vex (our possum boi and website mascot). I'd look into making a ghost but I currently don't have the brain space to look into how to code those so that might be a project for the "maybe some day" pile. Idk, we'll see. I hope all of you are having a good week, it's good to be back. The list of shimeji and ghosts I've enjoyed will come some time soon, probably linked under the anarchy article on the main page.<3

31st of January 2024

How is everybody holding up? I've been on and off trying to go to school again and good gods it has wrecked me. Because while the school I go to is largely accessible I'm not at a point where I can focus that long or take that much stimulation. And that kind of got me thinking about how schools are really not prepared for chronically ill students and the exceptions are really damn expensive private schools. Like I still have to get my stuff through classmates which is a pain for literally everyone. I just really want online school to be an option again, and even if it's just teachers uploading their fucking powerpoints. We have the infrastructure but no. Of course not, that would be work and how dare I suggest that. No the school would rather I wreck my health even more by trying to be there in person. I just aaaaaaaaaaaa.

24th of January 2024

Aaaaa creative block is hitting me so bad. Idk I really want to do more with this site but I've got no clue what. Any ideas, anyone? Like what would be cool... Idk, maybe I'll have some idea at some point, we'll see.

17th of January 2024

I'm back babyyyy! So small update on my life: Nothing to interesting happened but I spent a lot of time texting with my partner and omg they are so fucking amazing. But yeah aside from that I got myself a new game, specifically melatonin for the switch, it's a really chill lofi rhythm game with an aesthetic that just hits a sweet spot for me, I highly recommend it, it's great. And I got new headphones, to be specific again: the skullcandy crusher anc2 and holy fuck that's a good pair of headphones. But yeah, so that's been my life for the almost week I didn't update. Nothing fancy but hey, a good time was had. Anyway I'm tempted to write another trance script later or maybe I'll just make a fandom ramble, we'll see how I'm feeling. Anyway I hope you lot had a good week (if you did anything interesting why not let me know in the guest book?) and I hope you'll continue to have a good time or that things will get better soon if you're not doing great.

Sascha<3

11th of January 2024

10 pm on a thursday evening, what better time to ramble semi-coherently? I kind of want to talk about the healthcare system because oh my fucking gods, it's not equipped to really handle chronic illness. Now I have american friends, so when I tell them that being chronically ill is fucking expensive, they usually point out that germany has state healthcare so it can't be that bad, right? Good joke. Now doctor's visits are covered, yes, and prescription meds are as well, however here's a non comprehensive list of what's not covered: Heating pads, over the counter meds, off label meds (which is almost all of mine), supplements, melatonin, my crutches (because I only got prescribed a wheelchair), more than 2 pairs of compression socks a year (if they rip or something), compression socks that don't look like absolute shit, cool packs, compression gloves, the vagus stimulator I'm supposed to use twice daily, I could go on but I think you get the gist. So it's expensive. Sucks, but that'd be okay if it wasn't for the other issues.

The other big issue is that doctors don't often notice chronic illnesses that aren't blatantly obvious and the fact that they're not trained to deal with chronically ill patients. They're used to accute illnesses where you prescribe some medicine or whatever and it gets better. So if it's symptom management because the illness is long term and/or incurable? Well sucks for you I guess. Listening to your patients who have most likely spent ages figuring out how to deal with their symptoms because they spent ages trying to get diagnosed? No. Just give the most basic advice and refuse to prescribe anything that might help because "DrUg SeEkInG bEhAvIoUr!!!" and "well you don't look like you're at an 8 on the pain scale." I am going to fucking scream.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop that rant there because I don't want to crash tomorrow because I got angry. Hope you all have a good day <3.

9th of January 2024

I figured I'd update the blog again, so yeah, small update, I'm still stuck at home, nothing new on that front. In other news, I finally got a VtM campaign going with some friends an I might write something to go along with that and publish it on the writing bit, we'll see how it goes. But yeah, I'm really excited about it :]

We're also now a member of the autists online webring!!! Have a look through the other sites on it (you can find the button on the index page's side bar), there's some really cool stuff on it.

3rd of January 2024

So the site is finally out of construction, woo. Any new changes are just tweaks. Also we have a change log and a hypnosis section because one is useful and the other is my special interest. I probably won't update anything as often as the blog but there will be the occasional trance.

1st of January 2024

Happy new years everybody! It's a new year, I started it with a flare up, good sign, isn't it/s. Then again, being worse than 2023 for me is gonna be difficult. So yeah, new year, new bullshit ig. Lol

31st of December 2023

So, it's the last day of the year. And what a year it has been. For me, personally? Between getting sick, being stuck at home, hospital and doctors visits but also some of the nicest and most kind interactions I ever had. It's weird how a year feels like it goes on for all of eternity while it's happening but suddenly seems so short in retrospect, isn't it? I guess that's just how the human brain does time.

I don't do new years resolutions because let's face it, nobody ever sticks to them and if you do then a) congrats on your persistance and b) gods you're weird. We'll go out to visit family friends in a while to have dinner and watch the fireworks together and I know that I'll be absolutely miserable tomorrow but it's worth it to me. Is that weird? I don't think it is. I know I should probably take it slow since I got back from holiday yesterday but fuck it, pacing or not there are things that I refuse to let go of. Not like I've got to be places tomorrow lol.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a lovely 2024.

26th of December 2023

I guess I accidentally lied. I've got the laptop with me so guess what? I can still spew bullshit, even from my grandma's couch. Wooooo

23rd of December 2023

So this is just gonna be a small update on ya boi. I'm gonna be out and about for a while, christmas and all that shit, you know how it is, so there won't be updates from the 25th until the new year, so happy new years in advance, you fuckers/aff.

21st of December 2023

No huge ramble today, I just wanted to wish all of you a happy winter solstice (and happy whatever holidays you may celebrate yourself). Take care of yourselves during the holidays, I know it can be stressfull but you've got this.

20th of December 2023

It's ramble time again, woo. Should I probably sit down and research or make video essays instead? Maybe. But that would be a lot more work than screaming into the void that is this page's html. So fuck it, this is gonna be an unnessicarily long ramble about furries, androids and autism. You've been on this site, you've seen my fursona, Vex, so I don't think me being a furry is a shock to literally anyone. Patricia Taxxon (she's got some really good takes and banging music) has proposed a definition of furry that I personally really like: The interception between the sensory, symbolic and ever so slightly autistic. And anthropromorphic animals but that one's obvious. Now, personally, as the particular flavour of autistic that is sensory seeking and reads too much into everything in an attempt to understand things, I fully fucking agree. I'm planing on a ramble about how Data clearly has emotions, just in a viscerally autistic way on the fandom bit of the site but I don't think I need to use that example to tell you that non-human characters are a really common place for us autistic folks to see ourselves in. And there is a really particular thing about furry art that's just... anthropromorphic animals in regular situations (that often times shouldn't work based on the fact that it involves tech/infrastructure/whatever made for humans but it still does somehow). And I don't know exactly why that scratches an itch in my brain but it just does. Like it incapsulates the feeling of being neurodivergent in a world made for neurotypicals really fucking well. Like I can't drive or handle normal socialising or hold a conversation like a normal person. I'm just a little floofy guy. I skittle away if you hold eye contact with me for too long. Seriously I wish I was making this shit up but no. The autism spectrum is a spectrum from robot to furry, hitting nonbinary alien somewhere along the way, change my fucking mind. Am I saying that every autistic person is a furry? No, though I've yet to meet one who hasn't at least had a brief brush up with the furry fandom in one way or another. Am I saying all furries are autistic? No, though a lot of us are. It's like a ven diagramm with suspiciously large overlap. Like there is a sensory joy that comes with fluff and paw beans and snoots that I can't properly verbalise but yes. Just like there is a sensory joy to ever so slightly fake feeling fake skin and cold metal and wiring and blinky little leds. The two hottest scenes I have ever read are, in no particular order, an exerpt from a bit of furry porn and a star trek reader insert fanfic that doesn't even include actual sex but a detailed description of Data's brain. I wish I was joking about this. Aaaaaaaaa. Anyway hope you're having a good day whenever you're reading this. Love you, boop.

18th of December 2023

So I uh, let's talk about why I'm doing this and why I'm honestly pretty passionate about this whole indie web/ peripheral web thingy. Because sure, I know, this isn't going to change the internet, it won't change the world, I'm fully aware that I, as one chronically ill trans dude, am probably not going to make a huge impact on the world. I may be an idealist, however I'm not stupid enough to think I'm the perfect human being, the perfect activist or whatever the fuck else. I'm a guy who has some opinions on politics and social and economical issues, not a magical change-the-world-o-matic, but fuck's sake a man can dream. And a man (or anyone, really) can at least make small steps in the right direction. Like becoming part of the peripheral web, learning about where the fuck your data goes (I know the terms are terrible to read, yes, I just scroll to the end too most of the time), trying to reclaim some agency, learning how the internet (the maginificent and terrible thing that it is) ticks, doing local, activist-y things and that kind of shit. And if we're looking at all the things you can do, honestly this is one of the cooler ones. You can do it from your couch, it has a very low barrier of entry (like seriously, learning html has never been this easy, even if you don't have a local nerd kid on speed dial) and it's such a great way to express yourself. Just browse sites on neocities or click through a webring for a bit, you'll find a lot of really cool stuff, fan shrines, adorable sites dedicated to partners or pets, games and a bunch of stuff I'd like to do one day that's wayyy beyond my html, css and java prowess.

These days the internet is owned by really few large cooperations that own pretty much all of our data and, sure, you could argue that "oh, it's pointless anyway", sure, but you can take that doomer attitude and shove it up your ass. Sure, they may have all of our data already, but we don't need to throw even more down their throats. You don't need to have an alexa, you don't need to have your google assistant listen to you sleep, you don't need to pay for six overpriced streaming services only to find out that your favourite show isn't available in your country and then pay for a vpn. I'm by no means perfect, I spend way too much time on tiktok, I watch youtube video essays while I write, my school work is done over microsoft teams, i occasionally order from amazon. I am not perfect. Nobody is. And that's fine. It's perfectly fine to not be perfect. However I'm firmly convinced that there is no way to change the world that doesn't involve at least cutting down on this shit. Boycotts, unions, strikes, protests, there are a lot of things we can do. We can't do them alone, it always takes a group, but groups can be found and founded and we have to start somewhere.

So. Indie web. This website isn't a fix to anything. Instead it is a statement. That statement goes as follows: There are alternatives, there are different ways of doing things. Large cooperations and billionaires suck, so come on down, make yourself at home, lets get out the guillotines, cook the rich into a stew to feed the poor, make art without ai, be gay, do crime, shoplift from the largest grocery chain you can find, punch nazis, misgender terfs, hack your 3ds and pirate that show you want to watch. The internet is a magnificent and terrifying beast, let's make it better.

17th of December 2023

Alright, first entry. So I finally polished the site a bit, thank gods because it looked horrible so far. But hey, I finally had the brain space for the first time in weeks (thanks, long covid). So yeah. Also I got covid again because of course I did so I spent the entire last week basically just sleeping. But hey it's a bit better today and I hyperfixated and made this so let's hope I won't crash. Woo